Unearthing the Musings of the Heart

Upon the release of the Epstein files, my nervous system has been cycling between fight, flight, and freeze mostly defaulting to freeze. Last week, I couldn't write. I tried, but I couldn't get any words out. I was blocked in freeze. For several weeks, I had not done yoga. I hadn't taken many walks. I hadn't gotten the boys out of the house nearly as much as I usually do. We had been hunkering down. I have been a low key "conspiracy theorist" for years and years now, so a lot

I happened upon some of the contents of the Epstein Files a few days ago. I had been a little sick to my stomach anyway this week, but I had a physical response to what I read making me so upset that I nearly threw up. So upset, in fact, that I couldn't even get the words out to tell Erik that I was upset or why for over a full 24 hours. When I finally told him, I could barely utter the words. It is unspeakable horrors against children. I cried. I raged. I thought of my own c

God has been showing new and exciting things to my family. We are in a period of learning and growth. Something is shifting in our operating process. My hormones are shifting back to normal. Since I was pregnant with Ben, I have had a Dowagers hump, and interestingly, after a very unpleasant day of family turmoil, Erik noticed that my hump, which is related to high cortisol and stress actually dramatically shrunk. I question if it's kind of like cleaning a closet where it nee

If you know me, even a little, you know I don't blindly trust anything. I am not a go with the flow type of girl. If everyone believes it, chances are, I am questioning it. It's in my nature to go against the grain and think for myself even when that loses me friends. Notice that I say, "when" not, "if." On this same note, I haven't raised my hands in church in years. Before I became a free thinker, I used to do it because everyone else was, and it was the Christian thing to

Elsa came to upstate NY yesterday and gave us a pretty epic snowstorm. We had a cozy fire and plenty of snacks. It was kind of fun. However, by today,  my children were stir crazy. Constant nagging questions that were pressing limits and boundaries. Lots of demanding what they wanted. Lots of attitude. Lots of fun.  🙄 On top of that, a sneaky little migraine decided to grace me with its presence, so I was feeling less than grateful and patient. At one point, I jokingly asked

This morning was gloriously blue and sunny. With so few sunny days, I simply can’t afford to not get my boys and myself outside. Everyone has been so cranky and desperately needed some sun to boost the serotonin levels. This morning, I was tired, cold, and I didn’t feel like bundling everyone up and getting out, but I did it. I am so thankful I did. We looked at the beautiful blue color of the sky,  felt the glorious sun rays on our cheeks, and played a game where we looked f

I’m not saying that I’ve sworn off shaving all together, but for about a month, I’ve been disturbed by the concept of a grown woman shaving her pubic and leg hair. Here is my thought process. Who has little or no hair in these places? Children. Little girls. When I paused with that thought, I got instantly angry and felt totally creeped out. Why does our society glorify the bodies of little girls as a sexual ideal or standard? It got me asking questions. Who pushed for the re

Bringing humans into the world is an experience that is widely under acknowledged. Society tells us, “Oh, you had the baby!? 6-8 weeks from now you should go back to normal.” An ENTIRE HUMAN BEING was grown inside this woman and then brought earth side in one of the most intense experiences imaginable. She literally created and birthed life, has a dinner plate sized wound inside of her, but society tells us that with in 6-8 weeks, she should snap back to normal. I’m calling a

Today, I sat at the kitchen table to write. I had no idea what I was going to say. I had my sliding glass door open facing the boys playing outside. However, Eli kept going off behind some trees where I couldn't see him. Of course, little bro was quick to follow behind. I kept having to stop and call him over to where I could see him. Why was he doing this? Eventually, I slowed down to figure it out. The trees were magic. In the cover of the trees, they could create, and the

Yesterday, I found myself crying thankful tears into a root veggie and hummus wrap. I told my friends about my migraines, and they went out of their way to drop off two giant bags of their home grown root veggies to my front door because, "Beets, it's good fer what ails ya." Today, I received the most beautiful and heartfelt thank you card from an amazing soul that I have the privilege of knowing. When I was feeling very alone and lost in fear, this talented energy healer di

5 years ago, in the heart of Covid restrictions, Erik and I celebrated our mini 50 guest wedding. I was over the moon to be marrying...

I’m here at the park…again. I’ve been coming here since I was a child. I swam here back when it was a beach. I played countless baseball...

We just got back from a mini vacation to Lake Placid, and I need a vacation from our vacation. Erik and I severely underestimated how...

I wonder if God gave me boys and not girls because I am not yet ready to be a mom to girls. It’s been 11 months since Ben's birth, I have...

If you’re feeling depressed and hopeless about your life, breathe. This is just a moment, and it will pass. Everything can change in the...

Let me encourage you, be real with you, and blow your mind while I talk about music, a book, and my Grandpa and Pop. The last couple...

Those who know me well know, toxic things kinda freak me out. I’m quirky and too educated in this way. Once you know, you can’t un-know....

For the first time, since I turned 18 years old, I was so disgusted with our presidential options that I almost didn’t even vote....

Individually and collectively there is so much going on. In my personal life, there are so many things that are a source of worry or...

The other day, was a really hard parenting day.   Everyone went to bed super late the night before. I was up a lot. My boob was a...